I Remember
by heartlessromantic667
Summary: Jackie Burkhart spends time remembering how things have changed since she was younger. All because of a young man she never thought she'd fall in love with. Takes place in Season 5. One-shot.


**_Author's Note: I don't know how this one will take, I only hope that you guys like this one. This is one of the other two one-shots I have, and I just have one more that I know people will like. I'm sort of worried about this one, because it's... I don't know. Tell me what you think. And I'll have a new chapter of HICTB up by 8 (in 6 hours) probably, so look forward to that!_**

**_Love,_**

**_Angie._**

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When I was thirteen, I stared at him with disgust. I wondered why such a creep was friends with my Michael. Why was that stoner bringing my love down? He was disgusting, poor, dirty, and so scruffy. Michael could have done better than that boy. And why did the Forman's let him always come over, he stole from all the houses he went to, did they let him steal? And why did Donna consider him her closest friend? It was just awful, I never understood it.

I never understood Steven. I never knew about the troubles he went through when he was younger; and if I had, I would be terrified. I would probably have called him a freak and never gone to the Forman's again. I always wondered why he was so quiet, so observing and almost like a robot. He didn't let anyone fuss over him or care about what he did or how he looked; I don't think he cared about himself, and I doubt he still does. I don't think I can comprehend him fully to this day; there are so many pieces to him, that I have to find, have to put together.

He always scared me, I never wanted to become his friend, or talk to him, I didn't even want to be in the same room with him. The two of us were completely opposite, he was poor and dirty and cared about everyone except himself, I was rich and high class and only cared about myself. Steven and I weren't supposed to talk to each other, or associate with each other in any way, if my friends had known he was within the vicinity of me, they would give me a bath in bleach and not talk to me for three days.

When I was fourteen, I remember looking at him the night he stumbled in the Forman's basement, with a black eye, a fat lip, and a torn and bloody shirt. I remember I ran from their basement in horror, like I was in some scary movie and he was the killer, I ran for my life. I remember hearing him say something about a 'disagreement.' My mind told me he had hurt someone, that he didn't like what was said, so he fought them and killed them; he was a criminal. My dad had even seen him downtown at the jail at least three times, so he had to have done something awful. I didn't understand that Steven was the victim, and if I had at the time, I would have been afraid to talk to him even more, he would have been some freak.

When I was fifteen, I remember he took Michael and Eric out for a drive after he got his license and they all drove around. They came back looking terrified and Michael told me that they had almost been in an accident. I made him drive me to the Forman's, and I ran into the basement, saw him sitting on the couch, looking really tired, and I hit him. I remember him flinching and shaking as I touched him and screamed at him. I was so angry that he almost killed two normal boys, that he was just a horrible influence. I remember he agreed with me, and left without another word. I had just laughed and shoved him against the wall as I stomped out, I didn't know that he told himself the same thing every night. I didn't know he tried his hardest to protect them, and not himself.

When I was sixteen, they all went on the water tower, and Michael fell off; he fell off all the time. But I remember Steven not helping him, and I was so angry. I couldn't stand that boy for who he was, and I was so determined for Michael to just drop him and never talk to him again. Michael didn't need the toker in his life, he was bringing him down to be so much worse than he could be.

I remember walking into the basement one night also, hoping to find Donna to talk about Michael and I. But it was late, and I realized she wasn't there; but Steven was. He was sleeping on the couch and looked so comfortable, so peaceful. He had his glasses off and I was so mad at Michael that I thought that he was even sort of cute; which made me want to throw up. I didn't know how he could find that old, broken couch so comfortable, when the springs were poking out of the cushion and it was duct taped. I didn't know that he slept on his living room floor, that he had snuck in their house to find a better place to sleep; a place where it was warm. If I had known I would have just laughed at him.

I remember when prom came around, that Michael had broken up with me, and was going with Pam Macy. Steven hated the prom and was repulsed by even the thought of going, which I didn't understand why that was; it was the best years for students. But I had begged him to go, and I had taken him to go shopping, he couldn't shop for a tux by himself, and if he had his way he'd go in jeans and a Zeppelin shirt. I wouldn't have that. I remember him walking out of his house, his mother yelling at him, and it scared me. She was so cold to him, and I could see the hurt in his eyes, it made me feel so bad for him. I wondered if she was always like that, and I felt bad for all that I thought about him. But he looked absolutely stunning in his tuxedo, I didn't know how good he could look, and if he always looked like how he did and wasn't Steven, I would have probably dated him. He told me I looked beautiful, and I could see he meant it. It was weird to hear 'beautiful' from someone else though, everyone just called me hot or sexy, only I said I was beautiful. But… he did, and I wondered why a girl wasn't with him.

I remember after that, my views on him had changed. He moved in with the Forman's because his mother abandoned him, and his dad was out of the picture. I felt so bad for him because he had no one that loved him, not family at least. But he was happier once he was there, you could sort of tell in the silent way, he smiled more. He was somewhat nicer towards me also, which was appreciated because I deserve kindness; everyone does. Then when Michael and I broke up, I found myself actually falling for Steven, and I looked at him all the time. And when he taught my zen, he didn't know it was my way to use it against him.

I remember at Red's Veteran's Day barbecue, he punched Chip for me; I knew he loved me then. Somehow, I had found my way to his heart. Then he took me out on an actual date and though we barely talked, it felt nice. It wasn't like being with Michael, where all he wanted was sex, it was quiet, but so much nicer. I had his jacket on over me, and I could smell his scent; faint cologne, marijuana, and cigarette mixed, as well as cinnamon- which confused me. But I liked the mix of it all, and you could say I was in bliss. Then we kissed, and I was so upset when I felt nothing. And he confirmed it... though now I know that was just a lie.

Michael and I had begun to date again, and Steven turned into his usual self. I was nicer to him, and he treated me in the same manner, but I don't think either of us forgot about Veteran's Day. I found myself always subconsciously comparing Michael to Steven and whenever I did that, I grew more and more disappointed with Michael. There was something about Steven that was always better than Michael; he was mature and responsible in his own way, he was independent, he was smart, but also funny and did some stupid things, and he was a great kisser. But I knew deep down we just weren't meant to be, and there was no use to trying; we were way too different.

I remember when Michael and Donna ran away to California. I knew it was over between him and I, and I was devastated, but a part of me was a little relieved. I wasn't sure if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Michael, and this proved that he and I weren't soul mates like I had felt since I was a young child. Then one day Steven and I were hanging out in the Forman's basement, and he looked at me, and I looked at him, and we kissed. And I thought '_why not_?' There was no harm in this, it was just a fling until everyone got back and then we'd act like nothing ever happened. That's how he liked things to go. But every night, I dreamt of him, I wanted him to be my boyfriend. I wanted to marry _him_, Steven Hyde, and be with him forever. It scared me, but when he called me 'his chick' I knew it meant more to him as well, and I had hope; maybe he was my true love.

The day that meant the most I can still recall though, as it happened not too long ago. It was the happiest I had ever been, and I didn't understand how it could effect me in such a way, yet it did. Steven was dropping me off at my house and he wanted to walk me up to the door for once, for some reason; I think he wanted to meet my parents. But my dad was in jail, and my mom was somewhere in Mexico drinking and whoring her way around the country. I didn't want him to know about that though, he had seen that lifestyle and I knew he didn't want anyone else to go through it. I remember he showed me a side of him we both knew no one had ever seen, the side of him I had been waiting so long to unravel.

_ "Steven, just don't. My mom is probably asleep and my dad won't be home until late. And you're tired, I'll be okay." I practically pleaded with him as he opened the door to his El Camino. He wasn't wearing his sunglasses and I loved that I could see his eyes; they're so beautiful._

_ "Jacks, I just want to walk you up to the door. I want to make sure you're safe, doll." I smiled weakly and closed my eyes as I took a deep breath._

_ "No!" I cried, I wouldn't allow him to do that, he would probably want to meet my parents. Then again, this was Steven we were talking about..._

_ "Jackie... is there something going on?" He asked softly, his warm, callused hands holding my tiny soft hands. _

_ "No, Steven, everything is fine. I just don't want you walking me to the door." He scrunched his face and shrugged, but I could tell with those eyes that he was thinking hard. One thing I love about his eyes is that they tell you everything... that's why he hides them._

_ "All right, I just want you to be-" he paused, looking around as he helped me out of his car. "Where are your parent's cars?" Steven began to look around and I panicked. "Jackie, there are no tire tracks in the snow... no one has driven here for days..." I felt my heart race in fear as I realized he was piecing this all together. Steven was so much smarter than Michael, and sometimes I hated it. "Are your parents not here?" He finally asked, I wouldn't look at him, couldn't. I felt his hands hold my shoulders and he forced me to look at him. I gazed up into his blue eyes and I saw his concern, it made my eyes well with tears. "Jacks?" The way he sounded, I'd never heard anyone sound so worried over me. He was so protective, so caring, I had never seen him like this before._

_"No," I whimpered, and buried my head in his chest, sobbing softly. He didn't tense or push me away this time when I started crying. I felt him wrap his arms around me and hold me to him as he ran his hands through my hair, and I only cried harder. Steven did care, he really did love me."My dad's in jail, Steven, and my mom... she just left! No one cares about me!" I knew that was the wrong thing to say, but I knew he'd understand.  
_

_"Hey, I have an idea... why don't you grab a pair of pajamas and you can sleep with me at the Forman's and we'll act like nothing is going on, okay? No one will have to know about your parents. I just want my Jacks safe and warm and happy... and I know it's tough and stuff... you know? But it gets better, and I'm here for you." I smiled and rested my head on his shoulder, then ran inside to grab some pajamas I knew he'd like._

_When I got back outside we quickly left my large house, and drove in silence. Steven was deep in thought, but he made sure that he still proved he was there, by holding my hand, and squeezing it every so often. It was so weird, but that helped, so incredibly much. I wondered what Michael would have done in this situation, and shuddered; we'd be in my room having sex. _

_It was so weird. Michael was always pressuring me on having sex, but Steven never does, it's like their personalities were switched when they turned into teens. Steven actually figured out a great plan in a short amount of time under stress, and I know that he didn't have any other reasons for wanting me to sleep with him; we hadn't... done it before. That's what I didn't understand, it proved he had morals and he cared about others, and that he was after more than just a lay... and that made me feel great._

_We pulled into the Forman's and he and I snuck into the basement, the Forman's were all sleeping, and no one was staying late... maybe Fez was hiding somewhere, but more than likely he was at Donna's. Steven held me so close to him, I could hear his heart pounding, and I felt so protected, he was there and he was real. And this was him and not just some copy, this was all him._

_"I hope you don't mind it being my room, I know it's not... what you're used to, but-" I interrupted him with a full kiss on the lips and I gently rubbed my thumbs on the back of his neck as I gazed up at him._

_"Steven, I don't care, anywhere is perfect for me, as I'm with you," He smiled and wrapped his hand around my waist again, and lead me into the back of the basement to his bedroom. We both entered silently and he tried his best to shut the door with no sound, which was a hard task to achieve. I had begun to change into my pajamas and was pulling on a light blue tank top when he turned around. I didn't mind him seeing me, but he blushed and quickly looked away, giving me my privacy; I would never have known Steven to do that. I watched him as he changed into his pajamas when I had finished putting on mine, I couldn't tear my eyes away from his shirtless state. He wasn't buff like Michael, but wasn't scrawny like Eric, and he wasn't flabby either; Steven was a little more than average, but he did look great... I should tell him that more often. _

_"Were you watching me?" He asked, I shuddered out of my state and blushed at his question; when had he put the pants on? _

_"Uh..." was all I said, he just laughed, and pulled me close in a loving hug, his arms on my lower back. Steven kissed me softly, then patted his cot and smiled weakly._

_"Do you need another pillow?" I shook my head, knowing I'd be burrowed into him, and the pillow would probably just end up on the floor. He shrugged and then pulled down the blankets, scooting in the inside, leaving more than enough room for me. I curled up next to Steven, my body facing his, and he held me to him again; I loved it when he did that. Tonight had to be the night we'd make love; I just knew it. Everything was perfect; it was, in its own way, more romantic than my first time. _

_"Steven," I whispered, pressing my lips against his neck, I heard his breath hitch, and no answer. My hands found the bottom of his shirt and I caressed his sides and chest. "I want to... make love to you." He gazed at me with a curious look on his face, and he sighed softly._

_"Jackie... there is a lot going on for you right now. Are you just saying that to find a way to... make you feel better?" He laughed softly at his phrasing and I giggled with him. "You know what I mean... and I don't want to be... like Kelso." He barely whispered, while running his hand through my hair. _

_"I want to do this because I feel that we've made our relationship to the next level, and-"_

_"I love you," My heart nearly stopped at his too soft voice; for a minute I thought I heard him wrong. But when I looked at him, I knew that he had really said it, and he really meant it. I felt tears at my eyes again and he bit his lip, uneasy about the tears... but I wouldn't cry. I wasn't going to let this moment go, when everything was just right. Who knew when we'd have the opportunity again?_

_"I love you too, Steven, you know I do. And that's why I want you to make love to me." _

That night had been so emotional for me. I remember it so clearly, as if it had just happened. The ache and the sadness of my parents abandoning me. The worry of what was going to happen to me; I had nothing. And my boyfriend coming to my rescue, and putting all doubts out of his mind to make sure I was safe; he could get in so much trouble with the Forman's, yet he wouldn't care. The feeling of him just holding me, I could feel that he truly cared with that embrace, it was like if he let me go, then I would break apart; and maybe I would have. And then he told me he loved me, I knew that it was the perfect time, I know he won't be like Michael about it, he was better than that.

I don't quite understand how my feelings of Steven Hyde changed, yet I know that they changed for the better. If they hadn't, I wouldn't have experienced this with him, we'd both be so different now. Now he isn't that scruffy, gross, annoying teenager he once was to me. He was a young man trying to pick up the pieces of his old, chaotic life. That Steven was really one of the most caring and loving people I would ever know; and I loved him so much for that.

"Jacks, what are you thinking about?" Steven asked me, fingers tracing my upper arm as we lay next to each other.

"Just you," I murmured, kissing him passionately once more.

Okay, I have to admit; I lied. That night really _did _just happen... and I wouldn't trade it for anything. It had started out where I couldn't feel anything, to feeling more alive than ever. And it was all because of Steven.

**Fin.**


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